We all know that the words we use matters. It’s why many of us speak differently at the office than we do around friends. It’s why we choose our language and vocabulary based on the audience we’re around.
Today, I want to touch on the huge difference between two words you’re using to talk about your time. This could be in the office, at home, or in your social life. The difference between these two words will mean the difference in how people understand your availability, and their access to you and your time.
That’s a big promise, I know, but I’m fairly certain I'm right.
What are the two words? Free and Flexible.
Problem is, many of us are using these two words interchangeably. Or worse, we’re only using “free” to describe our availability. Let’s talk about it.
Here’s the scenario: You have someone who wants to stop by and talk to you about something. Let’s say, someone wants to meet with you to share some feedback of their recent experience at your place of work. They’re either emailing or calling and trying to get some time on your calendar.
Now, feedback is definitely our friend, and we are grateful for feedback that isn’t vague or (worse) anonymous. And, you know that this could take all afternoon if you let it. You decide you can budget half an hour for this conversation. And you have no meetings scheduled for Tuesday afternoon. You might just automatically get back to them, “Sounds great! Let’s meet for thirty minutes. I’m free Tuesday afternoon.”
This is all true, kind of. Except you’re not actually free, are you? Remember we talked about how tasks take time, and unless you have zero tasks to accomplish Tuesday afternoon, you’re not actually free. It wouldn’t even be true to say you “have nothing on the calendar” because you have those tasks that need to be done Tuesday. But say, you can get those Tuesday tasks done anytime Tuesday afternoon… you’re not free. What you are, is flexible. Because your tasks can be moved around, you are flexible.
Telling someone you’re free means that you have nothing else going on. That your calendar is empty. And while you can set the boundary of thirty minutes, there is little keeping you, or them, to that limit if you think (and they think) you’re free all afternoon.
Flexible tells them that you have things going on (you do), but you can move things around (you can), so your window of availability is flexible.
So let’s rewrite that email:
Dear Maribel,
Thank you for reaching out about offering feedback. Let’s sit down for a chat sometime this week. Right now I have flexibility on Tuesday afternoon between 2pm and 5pm. Let’s plan on meeting for about thirty minutes. Is there a time in that window that works for you? Or should we look at a day later in the week?
Looking forward to it,
You.
Bonus action: Give them two or three time options. “Right now I have flexibility on Tuesday afternoon between 2pm and 5pm. Let’s plan on meeting for about thirty minutes. Does 2:00 or 4:00 work best for you?”
Remember, it is your responsibility to protect your schedule and your responsibilities.
A special note to my Enneagram 3’s: Not every meeting request is an emergency. We need to learn to decipher the difference between important and urgent. But that’s for another blog.